Exercise is without question the single best thing you can do for your health. It has positive effects on every system in the body, and modifies your risk factors and outcomes for almost every illness and condition we know about. There are a couple of exceptions, like testicular and prostate cancer, but pretty much everything else is improved with exercise.

Regular exercise can also improve body composition, reduce stress, improve sleep, and mood; which frankly, we could all use at the moment.

What is the difference between exercise and activity? Exercise is planned, structured, and repetitive. The science is in; the more you do, the lower your risk.

It’s incredibly important (especially as we age) to be strong, flexible, and have a well functioning cardiorespiratory system. It could mean the difference between you being able to get up from the toilet in your own house and being helped up off the toilet in your local long term care facility. I know, this got dark quickly. Let’s digress.

Exercise can also work wonders for your relationship, when done in the spirit of love, health, and fun. Shaming your partner or making negative comments about their body in the hopes of motivating them to exercise will likely backfire, and is just a shitty thing to do in general. If your partner is doing this, you may want to reconsider their place in your life. For real.

Dante and I decided to compile our own lists of the top 5 benefits of exercise on our relationship. We didn’t see each other’s lists beforehand so there may be some overlap; but we figured that each perspective might be helpful to more of you. Enjoy.

She said:

1. Higher sex drive and desire

Clinical psychologist and researcher Marta Meana has delved deep into the idea of the ‘erotic self focus’ of women. In other words, that women are aroused by their own sexiness; sometimes more than that of their male partner. When women are asked if there was a mirror in the room when you and your partner are having sex, would you be looking at him, or yourself? Most women look at themselves, and if they like what they see, it drives their desire and their arousal. Exercise makes you feel good about your body, about what it can do, and the pleasure it can bring you. (p.s I would TOTALLY be looking at myself…heehee)

Also, stress is a lady boner killer for me, so getting a good training session in, or getting a yoga induced oxygen infusion is awesome for my sex drive. Having too much crap swirling around my brain makes it hard to reach orgasm, so clearing all that out during a workout is a nice transition to get me into the mood. We’ve been told that ‘planned sex isn’t sexy’, but that is absolutely false. Planning the day and making time for sex so that we’re not rushed, stressed, or distracted allows us to connect so much more and makes everything that much hotter. Delicious.

2. Better sex (who doesn’t want that?!)

Being more physically fit makes a big difference in the bedroom (or any other chosen venue…you dirty animals). Physical literacy is the ability to move with competence and confidence engaging in different physical activities in a variety of environments. Look, some of the best sex I’ve had has been in good, old missionary (which gets a bad rap in my opinion, just like camo cargo shorts), but it’s fun to change it up and surprise your partner with different positions and locations. Being strong and flexible allows me to do that without too many awkward moments. However, it also gives you the confidence to laugh when things don’t go down as well in practice as they did in theory.

Endurance is definitely a plus for great sex. Knowing that a particular position or angle is really working for him is also a big turn on for me. Not having the cardio to keep it going is just disappointing. For both of us. Feel the burn.

I saved the best for last on this one: more frequent and more intense orgasms. No, really, physiology backs me up here. Often people think of their bodies as ice cube trays; little separate compartments that are all exercised or medicated differently. Nope, we are systemic organisms that function as one big unit. Cardiovascular fitness essentially means that your heart is really good at pumping blood around the body. Blood carries oxygen, which keeps tissues alive and running on all cylinders. That blood flow includes the genitals. More blood flow to your yoni means more engorgement, which often makes it easier to orgasm, and those orgasms will be more intense. If that isn’t a reason to do burpees, I don’t know what is. You’re welcome.

3. Showing Up For Each Other

In my opinion, one of the most adept killers of relationships is apathy. After the limerence has worn off, people tend to get lazy. Skipping the gym, not shaving their legs or manscaping, exclusively hanging out on the couch eating junk and calling it a date, making noises that you never thought would emit from a human being, leaving the bathroom door open, (please don’t EVER do that) or they no longer do and say the grand and small things that made your partner feel chosen and desired.

Often that’s when people will invoke the ‘if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best’ garbage mindset. Why the fuck would you want to be at your ‘worst’ for someone you supposedly love? I don’t get that one.

Making exercise and physical activity a priority in your life is part of showing your partner that you value yourself and them. Making an effort to continually improve yourself communicates volumes to your partner that you want to be the best version of yourself, and that you expect the same from them. It shows that you are capable of commitment to yourself, to your partner, and to the relationship. Get fucked, apathy.

4. Adventure Together

One of the most effective ways to maintain desire and intimacy in your relationship is to engage in novel activities or adventures together. We have done, and continue to do, all different kinds of activities and experience new things and places together. Diving, snorkelling, climbing, hiking, surfing, American ninja shit…you name it.

The adrenaline rush of doing physical things together is intoxicating. Not to mention watching your partner successfully navigate a novel physical activity is hot as fuck. Dante is a phenomenal swimmer and diver. It’s really something to watch him do his thing, and then joining him, no matter how good or bad I am at something. Except sports. Fuck sports.

Exercising together is also a great time to have amazing conversations. And also really difficult ones. If you have something you need to communicate to your partner about, it’s advantageous to both of you to have some oxygen in your brain when you bring it up. Some of our best talks (and podcast ideas) are when we are hiking or out for a walk. I really think it’s because ‘shoulder talking’ is easier than ‘face talking’ when issues or topics are difficult. See our We Were On A Break for THAT conversation. Yep. That one.

5. See Them Through New Eyes

People are weird. They want to be with a partner who’s fuckable when they meet them, but after that, they don’t actually want to think about the fact that other people would actually want to fuck their partner. Blame the traditional monogamy or death narrative, and general insecurity (sexual or otherwise). Then they wonder why they no longer want to fuck their partner. Strange, right? I know.

We both invest a lot of time and effort into physical exercise and training. We are proud of each other. We are insanely attracted to one another. And we are both very secure in our relationship and how we feel about each other. Because of that, we both get a charge from the appreciative looks and attention each receives from the opposite sex. It reinforces and reignites desire for your partner. Training has given us both a confidence that allows each other the space to be autonomous sexual beings while mitigating jealousy and the need to control. It’s an awesome place to be. Highly recommend.

He said:

1. Filling Out My Clothes

Once I started to take my physical fitness more seriously, the most obvious sign was how I looked in my clothes. There was nothing like putting on a nice t-shirt and seeing the arms stretched over my biceps and triceps, and fitting snugly over my pecs.

You want to be fit for your partner, and it is always important to me to be physically desirable to Bea. When you start “dating” (other people) together, you also want to impress your prospective matches. And for me, having Bea on my arm creates quite the statement when we enter a room!

2. Sex

Keeping fit and getting stronger both contribute to a healthy sex life, with Bea and the people we play with. Being strong allows me to hold Bea in any way she wants. Being flexible and having stamina makes every position possible, and overall good physical health helps keep everything else ‘in order’. Your mind, your internal plumbing; everything!

3. Training With Bea

Having a partner like Bea is great motivation for me! Training with her is a treat. I love watching her move, and how strong and physically capable she is. And I know how she loves to watch me train. It’s like our training sessions, whether it’s running stairs, climbing walls, or doing WODs in the cave, are just foreplay for the next time we have sex.

4. Confidence

When I train, I feel good, mentally and physically. And that transfers into other aspects of my life, from professional to private. Having the confidence derived from knowing your body is in peak physical shape, and the clear head that vigorous exercise helps to achieve, creates a more relaxed, confident version of yourself. When you are dating with your partner, you are both looking to impress, and the confidence from training helps achieve that.

5. Age Is Just a Number

It’s amazing how regular physical activity can turn back the clock. Increased muscle mass, flexibility, and cardiovascular fitness all contribute to a more youthful appearance and demeanour. I get no greater joy than revealing my age, or Bea’s, and seeing the jaws drop. We both look 10-15 years younger than our respective ages, and Bea’s lifelong dedication to fitness, coupled with my desire to keep up, have a lot to do with that!

So there you have it! Now get your ass in gear…ahora mismo!

Beatrice & Dante