Why…? It’s likely the first question we ask as shiny new little humans. Much to the annoyance of our parents. In fact, on more than one occasion, it’s probably made our parents wish that we would regress to our adorable cooing noises.

Why is the sky blue? (blue light is scattered more than other colours because it travels in smaller waves)

Why do I have to have a nap? (Because your parents need one)

Why am I DOING this? (only you can answer that). That last one you probably have asked thousands of times over the course of your life.

And you should.

Knowing your ‘why’ is incredibly important in bridging the gap between the life you are living…and the life you want. So many of us conduct our lives in a way that we are essentially sleep walking.

Intentionality is a major component to living with purpose and passion.

If there are things you are doing that don’t make you happy or bring you peace… stop.

Perhaps it’s time to conduct a cost/benefit analysis. Jettison old habits that just don’t seem to move you forward. Replace them with habits that improve your health. Mentally, physically, emotionally.

When you are spending your time on activities and pursuits that make you better, it doesn’t suck the will to live out of you.

Before launching the Cheating On Fear Podcast, Dante and I had many conversations about our ‘why’. We needed a purpose and a focus, otherwise, we’re just more noise in the crowded podcast universe. The answer was very simple.

We wanted to share our diverse individual experiences and backgrounds, as well as what we’ve learned as a couple to help deflate the giant fear monster that stops people dead in their tracks from doing, and saying, the things they need to in order to turn up the intensity in their lives.

I was raised to be afraid of everything. People, places, things… ALL the nouns. I grew up in the 1970’s and 1980’s and was terrified that at any moment I would be snatched off the street and whisked away to be murdered in a barn somewhere.

That the world was out to hurt me, so I should stick close to home and the people I knew.

Man that shit sank deep into my soul! And it kept me in a frighteningly small world. An echo chamber where no new opinions or experiences could contribute to my development as a human being.

Fear ruled my life.

Guided my decisions. I don’t recommend it.

At all.

It’s a joy sucker.

I struggled with what to do with my life. I started one university program, and couldn’t deal with how flat and dull everything seemed to be.

I withdrew.

I discovered and delved into the world of fitness and training, and felt a spark of passion for the first time in forever.

I studied Kinesiology and swam around in the surety that this was where I needed to be. Had an eye towards a medical career. I wanted to be Meg Ryan in City of Angels; a brilliant surgeon; constantly underestimated, but independent and feisty. I was finally beginning to ‘feel’ my life.

And then…the traditional life script sauntered up and boxed my ears. I met and married my husband, who ‘didn’t want to be engaged forever’, and got married in the middle of pursuing my undergraduate degree. A four year Honours degree took me a decade.

I agreed because I was afraid to lose him.

Unfortunately, I almost lost myself.

Being a mom to two young boys was transformative for me. I decided that I wasn’t going to raise them in fear like I had been. I wanted them to try things, experience life (risk-assessed, of course!), and learn just what they were capable of.

It was through them I began to find my own courage and confidence. They made me want to be more, and better, than I was.

They were my ‘why’.

Unfortunately, plagued by incompatibility and a sadness we couldn’t quite pin down, the relationship with my husband couldn’t survive. I was a shadow of myself, and so was he; constantly diluting ourselves to ‘make it work’.

Our children deserved both their mother and father at ‘full power’. Happy apart was MUCH better than miserable together.

Ending the marriage was by far the scariest thing I had done up to that point in my life.

Getting divorced sucks. Even as amicable as ours was, I was left feeling hurt, angry, and hollow inside. I needed something to pour all of that into.

An outlet.

And then I found Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

I had watched MMA for years. Fascinated by the versatility and athleticism of the fighters. I never wanted to actually fight myself, but the skill and discipline was something I could really sink my teeth into. I was in pretty decent shape, and I decided to give it a try.

Abmar Barbosa has said that “anger brought me to jiu jitsu; but love made me stay.”

Man, that just hit different.

I fell in love with the technique, the philosophy, and the community that drew my focus from what my body looked like, to what it could do.

Jiu jitsu lit me on fire.

And all of a sudden, I no longer felt the need to control everything in my life; or fear what I couldn’t. The confidence I was building through this martial art made me understand that it didn’t MATTER what happened.

I could handle it.

I wasn’t afraid anymore.

When I met Dante, I thought he was Indiana Jones. A highly educated intellectual who traveled extensively and ran important biodiversity projects all over the world.

And he spoke Spanish. Whoa.

We weren’t supposed to be anything. Just casual. That’s what we assured each other as we messaged each other constantly in the two weeks before we met. And then we met.

And it was like walking on train tracks, oblivious to the bullet train closing in on you. And then we looked up.

And boom.

I fell in love with his intelligence, his cheek, and his unabashed joy for life.

All of a sudden, life was a constant adventure; travel to places I’d never imagined I’d go, diving, climbing, and discovering how much we wanted the same things in life.

To drink it in.

Undiluted.

It’s not all been sunshine and rainbows. There have been obstacles; difficult situations and conversations. He had recently ended his relationship of more than 20 years, and those patterns of pain and hurt are hard to break through.

But we had a unique opportunity that not many couples get.

We got to construct our relationship from the ground up. Pooled the knowledge and experience from our pasts and resolved to do things differently.

And it’s amazing.

Life in vibrant colour.

We bring out the best in each other. We see, and actively encourage each other’s talents and potential.

And now, we want to share all of that with you.

We are not even close to being finished learning about the world, or each other.

But we are cheating on fear. Because it’s never treated us well.

THAT is our ‘why’.

Come with us…

Love,

Beatrice